December 5, 2011

So, I wrote this today…

…and I thought I’d post it on here. It’s like a poem or whatever, and I wanted to share it with whoever reads this blog (that’s assuming anybody comes on here anyway since I haven’t posted in a while). Can’t lie, I kinda miss blogging (even though I rarely blogged anyway). I’ve decided to start posting regularly now, figured I might as well start with this…portrait of how I’m feeling and where I am in life emotionally.

How does one begin to dismantle a non-existent entity that DOES exist, but only in the eye of the beholder? How does one grip the reins of a reality befuddled with confusion and pain? Where do the emotions flow from, the good and the bad, and where can one send them once the intolerable pleasure turns to unyielding pain? The creation is stuck in the murky waters of love, lust, patience, pain, rejection, depression; ears cannot hear the soothing words of the Maker, reassurance of His love above all others, and the reverence gives way to inevitable human suffering of love, a paradox that is known to mankind all too well…

Honestly, don’t even know what this shit means, but it’s me right now….le sigh…

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March 21, 2011

My dad feeds off of negativity, and I can’t deal with it anymore. This is draining me; I’m so ready to leave…

January 26, 2011

Happy Birthday, Mama

Today’s my mother’s birthday; she would’ve been 43….every year around this time, my mood changes. It’s really funny because most of the time I don’t remember that her birthday’s coming up until the day before (which is, ironically, the birthday of my 6-year old niece that’s named after her), but it’s like the subconscious part of my mind starts preparing me to grieve. I get grumpy for no reason, just wanna be left alone all the time, and have mood swings like I’m PMS-ing. And on January 26th, it all just floods out, Continue reading

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January 21, 2011

I hate Facebook…

In fact, I even joined Facebook as a little experiment to see if actually being a MEMBER of the site would stop me from hating it so much; it didn’t, and I vowed to stay off for the rest of FB’s existence. HOWEVER…because I didn’t see a need for getting Speed’s phone number while she was here, and because she asked me to so we can keep in contact, I have reactivated my FB page…Isn’t that such a simp thing to do?! I swear, I do the stupidest stuff for people I “like”….

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January 17, 2011

So…I think I just want to be happy….

Yesterday was Monday, January 17th; it was Martin Luther King Day, which means that school was out an extra day to commemorate the late Dr. King. I normally spend the weekend perusing through my Civil Rights history, trying to feel a connection with my fallen ancestors and celebrate black pride. This year, though, I spent my weekend flaking out on receiving an honor that I should be proud of, Continue reading

December 28, 2010

I haven’t blogged since last year…

Dang, it’s been a long time, huh? First of all, happy new
year to everyone! I hope New Year’s Day was amazing and fun-filled
for y’all. New Year’s for me was….so-so. I really wanted to be in
Louisiana, but you know, the whole “job” thing was kinda in the
way. I’ve been intending to update for a good little while, but as
you can see, my intentions didn’t go over as planned. It wasn’t
(completely) my fault, though. I blog from my iPod, and the
server’s been down on my neighbors’ wireless Internet for about two
weeks now. My sister Brie and I pooled our monies together and bought a
router for the house so we can stop stealing
politely borrowing the neighbors’ Internet. Yay us, right?

Anyhoo, I’m due for work in a bit, so it’ll be later!!

December 27, 2010

Let me start by saying…

…I know I’m late, but… MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!! I hope guys have enjoyed the holidays as much as I have!! My only Christmas wish was to spend the weekend with my beautiful family in Louisiana, and it was fulfilled!!! Sadly, I had to come back to Arkansas for (grr) work…ugh. Oh well, I love my folks so much, and I made some awesome memories with the people I love over these past couple days, so I am satisfied. More on my weekend tomorrow. 🙂

December 22, 2010

I never was too big on the NBA….

…it’s true; I can’t last through one quarter, much less the whole game. This feeling applies to another meaning for the NBA acronym as well: No Boys Allowed. I like Keri Hilson, but Continue reading

December 18, 2010

Single=NOTHING!

Us girls have a rule here in Eldo (my town): If you’re not boo’d up, you’re nothing. The term “boo’d up” is used VERY loosely. It can mean anything from an exclusive relationship of 14 years to plain fuck buddies. So, it doesn’t matter if you’re married to the guy/girl of your dreams or if you and whole neighborhood are banging out every night; you’re a major step up from the girl who’s single because ain’t nobody worf sumthin finna be single in dese skreetz! (just a little bit of that good old Eldo dialect for ya)

Ok, so I’m exaggerating (a little bit, anyway), Continue reading

December 17, 2010

I got my letter from Tulane!!!

…..and I was mildly disappointed. They put me on the “You’re good, but not quite good enough” list, which means they’ll review my application and such AGAIN in the spring and make their final decision. I’m nowhere near patient and I hate suspense, so these extra couple months will just kill me. I almost wish they would have just said no.

So, with that said, I’ll just wait and see what other colleges are pandering out. Ugh…..